Parvati Shallow » Life Explored

The Heart Rules

From Naomi:

Hey Parvati, I was wondering do you go with your gut or heart in decisions? Or does it just depend. Please elaborate.

Dear Naomi,

Your heart holds the essence of who you are.

My heart tells me what I truly want by expanding and getting lighter when some activity, person or place strikes a chord within me. When I tap into and listen to my heart’s wisdom, I am always in the right place at the right time.

Listening to your heart can be tricky because sometimes we chase our dreams and get rejected. Rejection hurts, and when we have our feelings hurt, our heart’s natural tendency is to close up and protect itself, pushing away the thing that rejected us. I don’t know about you, but I’m an emotional being. If I allow my emotions to dictate my actions, I can get in big trouble. I’ve learned that the more time I devote to fostering a relationship with my heart the more I can trust myself to not make any impulsive, destructive moves out of fear.

It’s our challenge to get very still in moments of contraction caused by fear, hurt, or anger. If we can be quiet and understand what caused the pain, we can realize that it’s ok to feel these emotions, and we can conti

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nue to move forward in life with wide open hearts. Trust me, when you’re hurting, this takes work. You have to consciously move toward opening your heart, pulling your shoulders back and expanding your chest.

Above all, you must do the thing that your heart is telling you to do.

Your gut works as an ally to your heart. Your gut is your power center. It houses your instinctive reactions to your environment and helps you make quick, powerful decisions about people and opportunites.

Get in touch with your body. When you strengthen your core with physical exercise (like pilates, dance, or spinning) you will also strengthen your personal power. You will become more courageous and begin to trust yourself as you make a strong connection with your body’s natural wisdom and your ability to make intuitive choices in life.

Thanks for the fantastic question!

I’d love to hear from all of you about how you make decisions. Where does your head fit in with your decision making? Is it all heart for you or is your gut in control, too?

xox

Parvati

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How to Make Friends Fast.

From Tyler: The ability to communicate effectively and meaningfully with people around us in our daily lives is one of, if not THE most important skills to possess in order to have an enriched experience. What advice do you have for someone who struggles to make connections easily with those around them, and what techniques do you employ to make communication and relationship cultivating easier for yourself?

Dear Tyler,

Right on! Effective communication is vital in creating meaningful relationships and having a full, happy life. I’m going to approach this question in two parts, addressing verbal and non-verbal communication. Open body language as well as empathic spoken words can help to build bonds with others. Forging real connections is all about getting present with yourself and allowing other people to see and know the true you.

Here are my tricks for making friends fast:

1. Become aware of your body language. When you walk into a room with your shoulders back, standing tall, others will assume you are confident and open. They will be drawn to you and want to meet you. On the contrary, if you’re sitting in the corner with your arms and legs crossed, people will see you as closed off and they will tend to leave you alone to wallow in your misery.

How

How’s this for body language?

2. Smile.  A smile is an invitation, a true gesture of warmth and friendliness. In addition to making you more approachable, studies have shown that the act of smiling can actually make you feel better, too.

“Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.” - George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)

3. Empathize. One of the fastest ways to develop a connection with another person is to empathize with him. Merriam-Webster defines empathy as, the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions. If someone you know is going through a tough time, allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your own experiences. Be honest and show compassion without judgement, and you will be amazed at how fast your friendship roster skyrockets.

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” - Brené Brown

4. Listen. In order to truly connect with someone, you must really listen and hear what he is saying. Make eye contact, absorb the full context of the conversation, including verbal and non-verbal cues, affirm what you are hearing, and allow the person to finish before you respond. Listening to someone with your full presence is an incredible gift of generosity and love, which will be repaid in abundant, meaningful relationships. 

Check out this video for examples of  these techniques: what not to do when you’re trying to make friends.

Thank you, Tyler, for your thoughtful question. May your communication be enriched and your relationships be fruitful.

If any of you guys have something to add, I’d love to hear your communication and connection strategies. Leave a comment and keep this conversation going!

xoxo

P

 

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Tyler Cliff - Thank you so much for this :). Anyone who has watched Survivor knows how likable a person you are. It means so much to me that you’re sharing tips and advice for others to become more likable too. Self esteem has been a long issue for me in my life as I am shy but seeing how confident and likable a person you are I can’t help but admire you and want to become more confident and likable too and this post has greatly helped me to accomplish that so thank you so so much. You have no idea how inspiring your blog is for me. Once again, thank you and you inspire me in so many ways :).

Seeking Direction?

From Andrea: All of my friends seem to know exactly what they are doing with their lives. What advice do you have for someone who is having a hard time finding direction in life?

Dear Andrea,

In this world of social connectivity, it’s incredibly easy to check out people’s Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram photos and think, “Wow, everyone else has it together; what’s wrong with me?”

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you, and no one is posting photos of herself drowning her lost and confused sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. The majority of us, me included, post photos that are flattering. It appears we are constantly traveling to exotic beaches with friends, skiing powder, flying private, rescuing strays in Sochi, or eating fresh caviar at NOBU. It’s kind of like Survivor, in that you are getting an edited one-hour version of three days of life. You’re getting the highlight reel of your friends’ lives, and, baby, they are making it look goooood.

So here’s my advice to you, my darling girl:

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1. Stop Comparing yourself to other people.  Nobody’s perfect. We all have flaws, and most of us will go out of our way to hide these flaws for fear of being judged or vulnerable. Take this one step further and go on a social media strike. Swear off Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and anything else that keeps you hooked on checking out other people’s business.

2. Sit still. When we’re lost, the tendency is to run around in circles, freaking out about how lost we are. Cool it, kid. My favorite quote from the Tao Te Ching states, “Do that which consists in taking no action, and order will prevail.”

I love this quote, because it takes all the pressure off. Simply give yourself some time to chill at your favorite bookstore or coffee shop and contemplate who you want to become. What type of person do you admire the most? What do you love most about yourself? Relax and allow the answers to come. The clearer you get about who you are and what you love, the easier it is to reach out for support. When you know where you want to go, getting directions is simple.

Here is a quick video tutorial of a calming yogic breath technique to help you slow your thoughts so that you can relax your mind and sit quietly. 

3. Phone a friend. After you’ve given yourself a week free from the shackles of social media and have spent quality time ruminating about your favorite aspects of life and yourself, call upon someone you love for some real-talk. Tell this person exactly what you are thinking about doing and what you want in life. Get his or her insight and ask them for contacts and connections that could help you on your newly designated path. As our dear Dr. Martin Luther King says, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”

Aaaand, just like that, you’re back on track.

Good luck and let me know how it all goes!

xoxo

P

 

 

 

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cellulite treatment - First off I want to say excellent blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out there. I truly do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or tips? Thank you!

Tyler - O I just love your blog. You never fail to inspire me and give great advice. I fell into a depression where I just had zero self esteem and confidence in myself and it’s something I still struggle with and am going to continue to struggle with but after watching you on survivor I sort of looked up to you as a role model just because your such a confident fun loving person and reading your blog helps me to follow in your footsteps and become a more happier confident person so thank you Parvati for inspiring me :) It means a lot to me